i woke up this morning and my first thought was my mother. she's been dead 41 years and yet her big bright eyes are still vivid in my mind. i still know the sound of her voice. i still remember the smell of powder in her neck when i used to sleep beside her on nights that my father was away. i still remember how soft and smooth her skin was that always led me to ask her why i never got her good looks and beautiful porcelain skin. for i was the young female version of my father which irritated me to no end whenever it was brought up, which was quite often.
i still remember her face the night before she slipped into a coma and eventually led to her death. the bright eyes looked at me through the flimsy mosquito net, the dark curly hair spread about the pillow. funny that she raised her right hand, the paralyzed hand, to give me her blessing.
out of the blue, she asked, "do you think of Benjamin often?" i laughed and i told her 'sometimes'. would i marry him when she died? i told her, "i think i prefer to have you around than Benjamin no matter that i am so in love with him."
Benjamin had previously asked her for my hand in marriage and she gave permission but on the condition that we marry in the Catholic Church. you see, Benjamin belonged to a different religion and marrying a Catholic could result in him being excommunicated. i would need to convert to his religion to which she objected. needless to say, there was an impasse and Benjamin decided to take on a job in a far away province as a result.
"i'm sorry that i am the cause of your heartache." i looked at her face and her cheeks turned pink and a tear rolled down the side of her face. she smiled when i said "there are so many men in the world, but there's only one you."
my mother hated roses. she loved orchids, though.
thank you for your kind visits and comments; know that they are truly appreciated.
so hard to loose a parent ..... :( & we miss them & think of what would have we done differently & dream of a chance to enjoy their presence at least one more time - I really miss my dad & hate that he didn't get to see his grandchildren...
So sorry, sweetie....what a heartfelt eulogy to your mom.....yes, there is only one mother, and she can never be replaced! Feel for you, and the pain that never leaves.... :-((
I can feel for your heart zipping this way and that because of crazy human behaviour... love should always win and yet it doesnt.
amazing you can still have such tender and vivid memories of your mother after so long, perhaps time is an illusion after all.
My mom passed away at the young age of 45 ...I'm 55 now its sometimes weird to imagine if we could meet me now a middle aged man she last saw me as a teenager
This one made my eyes leak! Not the picture so much as the narrative. Partly for your loss of your mother and your love and mostly because my loss is still so fresh. It is a beautiful picture though.
I was drawn to your beautiful photo...and I stayed and felt your heartache during that tribute to your mother. What a touching story, and so beautiful...
July 8th, 2015
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amazing you can still have such tender and vivid memories of your mother after so long, perhaps time is an illusion after all.